where did my best friends go?
i feel so distance frm a few of em. i duno wad happened.. they seem to forgt me/im not tt impt to em anymre.. esp one v impt best frd of mine..
i'm not gona mention it here since she'll prob see it. my other frds knw wad happened.

boyfrd's always busy with work. sometimes i wish he had more time for me/us.
i wish he can surprise me . wit wadever small-little-sweet-actions.

Mum's been spending too much recently. I seriously dunknow how long her savings can last her+(sis&stepdad)
He doesnt wan2 work & eats so much & spends $$ like its water frm the tap.
Spending it on god-knows-wad?! he claims to spend it on taxi fare & food.

HELLO?! u're alr not working still hv the cheek to tk taxi. futhermore the money's frm mum. every time mum spends money on me/nik she's complains so much to my grandma.. but not when its spent uselessly on my step-dad/sis.

sigh. im used to the biasness anyway alr. i still love my mum thou but i've nv figured out why when im also her child. and nik's her grandchild. i'm hurt becos i always wanted love frm my family.

why? why my mum rather choose an outsider to care for instd of me?
why more of my sister instead of me & nik?

Sometimes i wished i had a dad. i've nv felt fatherly love. & i've failed to let nik experience tt too. so sometimes i feel v connected to nik as we're in the same boat.
I'm always envious of a complete family.

somehow it just feels its only me & you now nik.

Got to start planning for the future .. might hv to move out in a few years time.

Its sad when u have to start doing everything yourself at a young age without anyone supporting u. *emotionally/mentally*
whose here for me? nobody understands unless they're really in the situation.
seriously i've nv felt anyone understd.

who can i cry out to when im desperate.
who can i sot when im lost.
who will sacrifice for me like how i did for nik.
who can feel me.
who can i trust.

I dont have any family love.
& i've always longed to be loved. longed to feel belonged.
longed to have a complete family.
bt this is a wish tt will never come true for me.

will anyone understd?
can someone make me happy again?


wait, was i ever happy?